Edoras Police Department
by Minstrel of Ainur
Summary: AU Crime series set in modern time with Middle-earth character setting. Éomer and Lothíriel centred and heavy influence from Law & Order   heavy twist of humour and sarcarsm, rated M for language and explicit scene. First person POV


**Disclaimer: I don't own any Tolkien characters.**

**This fic is based on an AU modern universe and is rated M.**

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><p><strong>Prologue: Eru's Mercy<br>**

Today was my first day at work. Ughhh, I already had a feeling that it was going to be a bad start. I set my alarm 30 mins earlier than it needed to be but I still managed to oversleep and woke up at the wrong side of the bed. Breakfast and shower had to be done in less than 20 mins. I put on the one suit that I knew always made me shine but it was after I got into the car that I realised it had shrunk one size down. The washing machine in my new flat was apparently faulty, instead of washing my clothes at 40°C, it baked them all at 90°C. Even the curtains shrunk about 12 inches, so now I would have to remind myself not going around my apartment naked or go to bed nude. I did not have the intention to be the next subject of the greatest hit video on Youtube.

It seemed like a good idea to have an apartment overlooking a park. It felt like a bad decision now.

Shoes..yes, I've got them.

No, wait. This was wrong. I needed proper shoes, not my trainers. Freaking first day of work!

It could not get any better. I arrived a week earlier before my new job was due to start, to get all things sorted – my flat, my furniture etc. And yet just when I thought I had it all covered and could take a seat back and relax, I lost my purse. All my cards and IDs were gone. I wanted to go to the Registrar Office this morning to report and replace my missing IDs. Something always set its will against me whenever my needs were dire.

The traffic on the road was horrendous. Some smart ass decided it was wise to park his car in the middle of the tram tracks and of course it turned into a piece of unrecognisable metal scrap and they had to suspend the tram service and close the roads to clear the debris. All traffic was diverted into this ONE road that I needed to take now and in the future to get to work.

I should have taken the small snaky path instead!

Thump!

I banged my steering wheel and slapped my sat nav. The poor screen squeaked as if it was in pain. Then it just broke and fell off. On the front there was a sticker with blinding fluorescent pink and it read _**Ice Bay The Most Reliable Middle-Earth Global Positioning System**_.

"Of course it is reliable! Bloody _Lossoth_!"I cursed. These _Snowmen of Forochel_ did not seem to be able to make it reliable enough to warn me about the terrible congestion on this road. Or, for it to survive my tender caress.

"So can this be so slow? Come on, Eru! Show me some mercy! I am running late!" I cursed under my breath. As if my immediate prayers were heard and answered, my heart lit up when the traffic was beginning to show sign of gradual recovery from blood clog trauma. I was relieved but not for long.

Beep!

I locked my car and hurried up the stairs to the Registrar Office. I looked at my watch on the way. It was 8.55! I was so going to be late! My steps hammered loudly as I made my way to the reception desk.

Nobody was there. I peeked around and saw a man sitting on his big cosy chair, chewing a huge muffin. I took the papers that I printed and filled in last night, and placed them on the desk. I knocked on the glass and he just threw me a lazy glimpse and returned his attention to his muffin.

I checked my watch. Time was definitely running short. I knocked again, this time louder. My fingers tapped the wooden surface impatiently while I waited for him to get his lazy arse up.

"What do you want?" The man pushed the glass panel up and shouted at me rudely. He sounded as if he had a pee diesel engine in his throat.

"Good morning! I am sorry to trouble you but I am here to report my lost IDs and would like to apply for new ones," I smiled and tried to be as polite as I could without sounding too much that I was forcing my words out from my teeth.

"It is not even 9! We only start working at 9, you know!" He slammed the glass panel down and went back to his chair.

My blood surged with anger rising inside me. Fine, I grabbed my papers and stuffed them back into my briefcase. I turned my heels and marched back to my car. Nat Rapkins was the name of that unfortunate Registrar Office receptionist who would be receiving a letter from a lawyer very soon.

My heart was still pounding under the flame of anger. It was so tight across my chest! Not just because the shirt had shrunk but I felt my breaths swallow and rapid. I needed to calm myself. Inhaling and exhaling slowly and deeply definitely helped to regain my composure. After my breathing became even, I threw my briefcase at the back seat. Just a second after, I deeply regretted it - a series of rumbling noises followed.

My shoulders dropped and I let out a discouraged sigh. I had forgotten. The backseats were full of all my books, documents and papers. Yes, I should have listened to my brother too on this. Now not only I had to redo the sorting but also to carry the 40kg worth of tree skins into my new office.

"Alright, let's get going before I am truly too late!" I pushed the ignition button. "New office, new colleagues here I come!"

Upon arriving at my new precinct, I tried to argue with the door warden that I was their new colleague and he should really let me go through.

"Look, it is my first day today. And I am really late. If you could just let me in, Sir, please?"

The old man had an eye patch on his right eye. Despite his aged appearance, his fingers worked swiftly on the papers on his desk.

"Look, young lady, I am trying to do my job here. If you don't or can't show any form of ID, I really cannot let you pass this gate. I have orders to follow too. I'm sorry," he shrugged with a helpless gesture.

"I told you I've lost my purse together with all my IDs and bank cards! Fine, I will give you my name and my birth date. Ring your human resources people, I am sure they will tell you that they are expecting me."

Yes bloody bank cards too. Good that some stores accepted cheques.

I torn a page off my diary and scribbled on it. "Pleassssssssssssssse!"

He squeezed his eye at the piece of paper, still suspicious of my claim but at the end he made the call as suggested. I could not understand what he was saying. He was talking in a language I had no knowledge of. My father did mention that they spoke a different tongue here in this precinct.

"Alright, you are through! Head straight and turn right. Staff parking will be just over there!" He said to me after putting down the phone, and pointed at an aisle behind.

"Thank you so much, Sir! You are the first person that has been so kind to me today! I will never forget that! What is your name?"

"Don't sir me, young lady. You will find more use for that in your new office. People call me Haethén," he handed me a security locket and smiled, "Have a good day and enjoy your first day of work!"

Delighted, I blew him some kisses as I made my way up to the yard. Haethén just smiled and shook his head at my silliness. Eru was showing some _real_ mercy now, I shouted in my heart.

The parking lot was almost full. I found an empty space a hundred yards away from the entrance. This would do for the moment. I grabbed some of the thousand sheets of papers from the backseat and carried them across the yard. It was a bad idea. It was a bad idea to be greedy and trying to reduce the trips between my car and my new workplace. I carried too much and my hands were growing wary very soon.

I heard the distinct sound of a door opening just as I approached the entrance.

A few men came out. They all looked pretty scruffy. A tall man, taller than the rest led the pack. He dusted off the debris from his shoulder and said to his colleagues, "Female, found by a jogger this morning. Tactical units at the scene say she looked pretty rough."

His voice was rich and dark. I heard him saying again, "Any news of our missing ADA?"

"No sign. No trace. No phone calls," a younger voice replied.

"Great! Just when we have-"

Of course they were so absorbed into their conversation, he bumped into me. All the hundreds sheets of papers fell off my hands. I was angry. Very angry. Just what I needed to spice up my day!

"Oh, I'm sorry!" he continued to muffle something in another language.

At least he had the tendency to apologise but that it was not enough as soon as he motioned to proceed forward.

I grabbed him by his arm and expressed my dissatisfaction, "Hey, if you are sorry, could you at least help me with this mess?" I gestured at the papers that were now all laying and swaying across the front entrance. It was not my fault that he did not see me. It was his fault that he did not watch where he was going and crashed face to face with my piles.

He scrutinised me with some suspicion, probably judging I was unworthy of his time, given that I looked like a miserable drowned mouse. My hair webbed across my face. My shirt was a size down. And having a pile of papers scattered around my feet and another half of it sitting in my hands whilst trying clumsily to carry my briefcase with just two of my fingers certainly did not do no shame at downcasting the images of my precedents.

"We don't do logistic," he shook off my grip and pointed at a wheelbarrow laying in the garden, "you should find all you need over _there_."

"I am-"

Before I could even use my tongue-lash at him, he had got into a car with his colleagues and the dust from the exhaust flew right into my face.

I bit my lip and cursed him.

By the time I finished collecting all the papers and shifting them to the entrance, it was almost 11am. I seriously needed to report myself to my new boss at least. My nervous steps echoed in the empty hallway as I paced myself at the direction of my new office.

"Hello?"

I took a peek before entering. Nobody was here! The office was empty. Pushing the door open, I entered and surveyed this odd environment carefully. There were around eight or nine tables and I have just found a relatively empty one which I thought would be the perfect desk for me. Just when I was analysing of how I should move my 40kgs of papers here, I heard some faint talking. It came from a room on the left.

There was a man inside. Early sixty perhaps. His hair was very light, silver maybe. He was on a phone with someone. Yes, he must be my new boss. I ought to introduce myself at least. He turned around and saw me then waved. I waved back stiffly at him with an embarrassed smile. Did he know who he was waving to?

Then I dragged my eyes across and saw the sign on his door. Yes, he was definitely my boss. He gestured again: make yourself comfortable.

So making myself comfortable, indeed, I did. I went on to move all my books and documents into the empty desk that I spotted earlier.

"Good!"

I slapped my hands and was satisfied with my hard work. All the 40 kgs was fencing around _my_ desk. I pulled a straight face. I must have been the most stupid person on Middle-earth! I could not work like this. The need for a huge cabinet would go down in my first requisition form.

My stomach complained. It was lunch time now. I popped out to the vending machine to see if I could found anything decent. The front doors slid open. I did not lift my head to see but I heard a few different types of footsteps, some light, some heavy, so lumbering. I saw a CSU vehicle coming it but paid no more attention to it.

Before I could even take my first bite of my well-deserved sandwich, a roar echoed across the hall.

"Who touched my desk? And what are these books?"

Ops, that sounded like it came from my new office. I hurried my steps back and saw an angry grizzly bear, yes, a bear, a huge bear, over six foot tall, barking at my books. I glanced across the office, in fact they all looked like bears – overly tall and huge built and shared a common physical attribute of keeping their faces primitively hairy.

"Hey, hey, hey, that is my desk!" I came to stand in front of him, defending my property.

"I beg your pardon? This is _my_ desk! And who in Béma's name are you? And what are you doing here in my office?" He pointed at the piece of arguable furniture which I just claimed lordship over two hours ago.

Yes, his face, I remembered now. He was the impolite brute from this morning.

I thought he looked like an enraged cat with all his hackles standing. I tried not to laugh when the mental images crossed my mind. I ran a quick scan on him from head to toe and noticed that he had a folder in his hand. And my name was written on it.

"You have my files. I am pretty sure you know who you are dealing with!" I crossed my arms in front of my chest and parked my bottom on nearby furniture.

He looked puzzled. A questioning frown sat between his shaggy brows.

I stood up and pointed at the file in his arms, "Here! This is my name! I am your bloody _missing_ ADA! If only you had the grace to listen to me this morning, I would have explained that I was reporting for duty and that would have saved all the hassle of me trying to find a table for myself and mistaking yours as an empty one and invading it with all my boo….." I muffled away when my professional sickness kicked in, but soon found out that there was no response. Maybe nobody was listening or they chose to shut their ears. My profession was not the most loved after all.

I turned around and saw opened mouths decorated across the office in deathly silence.

The bear man came up to me. Now I saw his badge. It said _**Éomer Éomundsson**_ and at the bottom it read _**EPD**_.

"What?" I lifted an eyebrow at him and took a step back. His size was intimidating. I did not like it.

"If you truly are…"he looked at his file again before continuing, "Lothíriel Mithrellas….."He paused and turned his head back to his colleagues, "then who is that laying down there in our morgue?"

My eyes flew open and I heard my own muttering, "First day of work and I am _dead_?"

_Eru, you are a damn arse to joke at me like this!_

**TBC**

**A button flies off and commentary does not come without a price…**

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><p><strong>Footnotes:<br>**

ADA: Assistant District Attonery, prosecutor on behalf of a government body.

CSU: Crime Scene Unit

EPD: Edoras Police Department


End file.
